And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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