I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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