I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
