i'm signing you up for texting rehab
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
