I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
