Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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