oh god the rape fog is back!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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