it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
