I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
