I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
