Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
