Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
