Kiss
Puke
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
