He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
