I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
