I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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