Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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