it hurts more in the daytime
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
