And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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