Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
