there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
