You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
