Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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