Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I love having hate sex.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
