I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
