I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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