I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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