So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
