My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
