Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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