I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
