Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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