i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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