he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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