i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
