So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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