Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
