If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
