Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
