So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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