I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
