hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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