ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
