Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
