I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
