I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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