I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
