alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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