Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
