Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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